These Boots Were Made For FAILING

So I bought these black clunky boots at a thrift store for $10 (which, for me, is pretty expensive), and I love them because they make me stomp really aggressively wherever I go, but the problem is, the sole is falling off (is it so hard to ask your shoes to just come WITH you on the journey? No, no it is not), so I've taped the whole thing with black electrical tape.

Anyway, bad idea, bozos, because black electrical tape totally does NOT WORK. I was clomping around the mall today feeling very cool and very much 90's-era Mallrats when my shoes were like, "Abandon ship!" and started to take a dive toward barefootsville.

Rather than buy a new pair of shoes at a different thrift store for 10 or possibly even 8 dollars, I'm going to use Gorilla Glue to fix them. Because guess what, friendo? Gorilla Glue is the BEST. And unlike my stupid combat boots, it will never EVER fail.

Deal with it.

And watch this video.

I'M HOT! And You're Not!

You know what's better than rap? Teen Witch.

This is basically what my childhood looked like. I bet I could out-rap middle age if I tried hard enough. But maybe I'll just drop some sick verse on my garden instead.

Best Musician EVER!

I feel like this guy really gets it, you know? Sometimes, when the music is right, you've just gotta move.

Then again, that could be the epilepsy. One never knows.

WOLFMAN'S GOT NARDS!

This is what the inside of my brain looks like.