Survival Tactics

I watched the Czech Republic episode of No Reservations this weekend, and you know what all those slavic faces and scarves made me think of? Survival.

If I needed to slice open an animal and snuggle inside to stay warm, I'd do it. I'd say a little prayer, slit its throat and snuggle up. I wouldn't drink the blood, though. I'm not gonna sit there and, like, stick a straw up in it. In the morning I'd use it as a sled to get to the next village. Who would DO something like that, you might ask? Someone who's resourceful*. Using the ears to steer, I'd sled right up to a village and say, "Here's a present. Can I please use your phone?"

*And Han Solo

My Workout Routine

Since I'm anticipating the onset of middle age to happen any moment, I'm getting my body ready for when everything starts to fall apart and I become an invalid spinster. This is my workout routine, as demonstrated by my one true love, JCVD. If he's able to look this bangin' so late in life, then I know I'll be ready for whatever that tempestuous beast Middle Age has for me.

Health and Wellness

You know, you could be a total wuss and eat a couple of Tylenol when you have cramps, OR you could be like me and refuse any and all medication of any sort. I'm prepping myself for childbirth so I can just walk around until that baby falls out. And when it does, the first words I'm going to say to it are, "Get ready for middle age, son."